Trevor Davis dispairs over the perils of the soulmate mindset

According to the latest in the constant drove of US surveys of people's attitudes to love by Zogby International and AOL Personals, it turns out that the older you get the more likely you are to believe you have more than one soulmate.

Being a die hard romantic, of course, I knew this all along.

But why oh why, I wonder, does it take many others till their 50s or 60s to realise that there truly is more than one person out there for us?

More than that, there is an exclusivity about having a soulmate that, while endearing most of the time, can become a darker, jealous and resentful monster should things not work out.

As far as I'm concerned, it all comes down to one paradox that strikes any of us who have had the pleasure of falling in love.

When in love, individuals go to great lengths to treat their so-called soulmate as if they are the most important person in the world - and rightly so. But with that - at least in what are generally considered "healthy" relationships - there is a certain expectation of reciprocation between the two lovers.

But in this exclusive relationship in which we apply the label soulmate to our opposite, there is a reflection in our behaviour and thought-process that betrays our desire to be as special to our other half as they are to us and - more significantly - that our efforts are not being wasted on someone who doesn't love us back.

The reason? Not that I'm an expert, but I'm guessing its got something to do with security and longevity of love - that is, of your partner - and economy - we need to justify our strong feeling and commitment of emotions and energy with some purpose and certainty.

But what people fail to realise, is that in the long run there is something far more reassuring if the concept of a soulmate is entirely dispelled.

For those of us who have been unlucky in love, heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world. But at the same time, its relief - if we ever find it - is the realisation that, to use the cliche, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

This doesn't mean that we give up on the feeling of special-ness, but rather that we take a less exclusive attitude. By all means, love as if this is the person you are destined for, because love wouldn't be as fulfilling if you behaved in any other way.

But bear in mind that a positive outlook that leans away from complete and utter soulmate exclusivity is best in the long run.